In the words of a 3-year-old...

Mr. B is quite chatty these days and everything seems to be followed up with "Why?"  My favorite things he's said JUST TODAY...

*We get home from school and he says to me, "Oh Mommy, you're so glad I'm here."
*"Mommy, your face is yucky."  Thanks for pointing it out, buddy.
*He finds a penny in my purse and screams in the Tufts Animal Hospital lobby, "Ohhh Mommy, you got money for me!"
*He looks at a vending machine and goes (nice and loud so other people could hear), "Where's the beer?"

In the meantime, he has a nice little cut right under his left eye where Gracie bit him last night.

~E

Reality Check...

This afternoon I pulled up in the hubby's blacked out Escalade to pick Bentley up from school.  Not your typical "Mom" ride with its after-market parts and beefy, loud engine.  Gracie and I were listening to a little Stevie Nicks during the short ride.  I jumped out in the rain and crowded into the school lobby with all of the other Mom's...and had a much needed reality check.  While my baby girl  waited patiently in the blacked out SUV listening to classic tunes because I didn't want to drag her out in the rain, I looked around the lobby at all of the other Moms - their rain gear, their dry and done hair, their Crocs and JCrew-looking attire.  I am certainly the "different" one in my ripped jeans, black skull scarf, and tattoos all over.  But it doesn't bother me.  The teachers were calling the kids' names and Bentley was next, with his spiked hair and shirt with a mustache on it.  The other kids came quietly out to their Moms, but not my little man.  Just like every other day - he came sprinting out with the biggest smile on his face, laughing, and jumped into my arms.  I scooped him up and he gave me a kiss as he quietly said "Oh, I like your dress, Mommy" and rubbed my shoulder.  It was a sweater but what does it matter.  He then asked for Gracie and said "Can we go dance?"  We climbed into the loud, ghetto-ed out SUV as I asked him what he wanted to dance to...and my heart was warm when he said "Tom Petty."  I've been recording live concerts and we have music/dance sessions during the day where we crank the TV and bang on the Tupperware.  I'm not so much your "Wheels on the Bus" kinda Mom if you haven't figured that out yet.  But you know what, when the teacher tells me at Bentley's parent-teacher conference that he is such a happy, sweet, inquisitive boy; and he runs out to me every day I pick him up with the biggest smile and he laughs and jumps into my arms, who really cares about much else?

So we ran into the house, we turned on Tom Petty w/Stevie Nicks, and we danced and banged on Tupperware before quiet time.  It was just the reality check I needed.  And when he asked me to lay down with him and of course I did...he rubbed my cheek and said "oh, it's OK, honey..." (where he picked this one up I have no idea) and continued with a string of compliments for his Mama..."Mommy, I like your sweater...Bentley, I like your shirt...ya Mommy it's my mustache shirt...Mommy, you have nice hair (as he brushes away my bangs)...buddy you have great hair...Mommy, I like your earrings...bud, you have such nice eyes..."  And he gave me a big smooch on the lips.

We didn't put the Tupperware and spoons away, they are sitting neatly on the coffee table for whatever concert he wants to watch later...Petty, DMB, Tim McGraw, John Fogherty...

~E

FAITH

When the road gets dark
And you can no longer see
Just let my love throw a spark
And have a little faith in me

And when the tears you cry
Are all you can believe
Just give these loving arms a try
And have a little faith in me
And

Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me

When your secret heart
Cannot speak so easily
Come here darlin'
From a whisper start
To have a little faith in me

And when your back's against the wall
Just turn around and you will see
I will catch, i will catch your fall baby
Just have a little faith in me

Well, I've been loving you for such a long time
Expecting nothing in return
Just for you to have a little faith in me
You see time, time is our friend
'Cause for us there is no end
And all you gotta do is have a little faith in me
I said I will hold you up, i will hold you up
Your love gives me strength enough
So have a little faith in me
*John Hiatt, Have a Little Faith in Me


~E

Serenity

God grant me the serenity 

to accept the things I cannot change; 

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

 

Living one day at a time; 

Enjoying one moment at a time; 

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it; 

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life 

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

~E

Learn to Fly.

Well the good ol' days may not return
And the rocks might melt and the sea may burn

I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings
Coming down is the hardest thing

Well some say life will beat you down
Break your heart, steal your crown
So I've started out, for God knows where
I guess I'll know when I get there

I'm learning to fly, around the clouds,
But what goes up must come down

Over my troubles
Over my worries

One day I'll learn to fly
And I'll fly over my worries
I'll fly over my troubles

I'll fly over my troubles
I'll fly over my worries
*The GREAT Tom Petty*

~E

I Will Not Be Broken...

Give and you give and you give till it's gone
then the people you fight hardest for say you're wrong
before me flash all of my memories and days
so don't stand insincere at the side of my grave

I will not be broken
I won't be turned away
When it's too cold to breathe
and too dark to pray
I will not be broken

I go too far then I go further still
Time starts to collapse leaves a void none can fill
Nothing you can say to hurt me with your forked tongue
Through blood shot eyes I watch the world come undone

I will not be broken
I won't be turned away
When it's too cold to breathe
and too dark to pray

I've come too far to give up
or to be turned around
I will not be broken
I will not go down

I will not be broken
I won't be turned away
When it's too cold to breathe
and too dark to pray

I've come too far to give up
or to be turned around
I will not be broken
I will not go down
*Ben Harper, I Will Not Be Broken


~E

Happy Ever After.

To my babies...

The morning sunrise spread her wings 
While the moon hung in the sky 
Held the sea in your hands 
And happy everafter in your eyes 

Couldn't leave you to go to heaven 
I carry you in my smile 
For the first time my true reflection I see 
Happy everafter in your eyes 

Every star in the night 
Promises the dawn 
I will be there if you fall 
To ever so heavily rest upon 

All that I can give you 
Is forever yours to keep 
Wake up every day with a dream 
And happyever after in your eyes 

Happy everafter is in your eyes
*Ben Harper, Happy Ever After In Your Eyes


~E

RIP Crash

In the wake of the news of Hurley's cancer returning, I cannot forget about another dear boy who lost his fight to cancer.  I feel lucky that the majority of my BF's are also animal lovers ~ those furballs are our family and when we get together we often times get our animals together to play as well. 
 
Crash was a sweet 13 year-old kitty who was the apple of his Mommy and Daddy's eye.  Their baby, just as Hurley is one of our babies.  Little Crash's health started to deteriorate and he was diagnosed with cancer and given a short period of time to live...unfortunately for Crash, unlike Hurley, there weren't any options for chemo or other treatments to help him.  Yesterday his health took a turn for the worst and my dear friends knew it was time.  They knew it was time to set him free from his pain and made the excruciating, devastating, unselfish decision to let him go...thinking only of his best interest.  They were there for him until the end, like any loving Mommy and Daddy would be, as he took his last breath.

 

Crash is free of his pain now, leaving his Mommy and Daddy devastated.  He was a character and a little gentleman.  He is free to climb up on all the counters he wants or curl up in any and every fruit bowl, sink, or basket he can find in heaven.  And he will rock a bowtie like no other kitty can.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Crash, AKA Bunks, is now free of pain and at the Rainbow Bridge...

 

 

He is waiting at the Rainbow Bridge to see his beloved Mommy and Daddy again someday... "And when I close my eyes I see you, No matter where I am, I know soon we'll be together, And I can't wait till then, I can't wait till then..." *Zac Brown Band, Colder Weather*   "The perfect Mother lets the cat sleep on her head." *Susan Griffin* Little Crash had the perfect Mommy & Daddy to love him ~ yes, he slept on her head.

A Pets Prayer If it should be, that I grow frail and weak, And pain should keep me from my sleep, Then, you must do what must be done For this, the last battle, can't be won. Don't let your grief stay your hand, For this day more than the rest, Your love and friendship stand the test. We've had so many years, What is to come can hold no fear. You'd not want me to suffer, so When the time comes, please let me go. Take me where my needs they'll tend, Only, stay with me to the end And hold me firm and speak to me Until my eyes no longer see. I know in time you'll see it is a kindness you do for me Although my tail its last has waved, From pain and suffering I've been saved. Don't grieve it should be you who this thing decides to do. We've been so close, we two, these years, Don't let your heart hold tears. SMILE, FOR WE WALKED TOGETHER FOR AWHILE. *Author Unknown*   

To my dear friends during this difficult time...remember that you gave that little gentleman the best gift anyone ever could...unconditional love...and he returned it for you, even upon his last breath.  He will always be with you, in your heart and soul.  As your loving friends, we feel your pain with you.

 

Rest in Peace, Crash.
We love you,
~E, Chris, Bentley, Gracie, & Hurley

We Won't Give Up...

Last night we talked and decided the next course of action for Hurley.  I have to be honest - I/We contemplated doing nothing and letting him live out the rest of his days as comfortable as we would be able to keep him.  But ultimately, he's not ready to leave us.  He shows no signs of sickness, not a single symptom - he's a friggin ox.  And that's what made our decision.  If he was sick in any way it would have been another story.  But not our Hurley - he's a fighter.  We decided the "rescue" protocols weren't for him - maybe IF we get to that point - but not yet.  We did consider CCNU, which is a chemo pill he would take every 3 weeks BUT it only has a 30% chance of being effective.  So how can we give up on him when he's not ready to give up?  So another round of chemo it is - he will go through another 15 weeks of chemo and we are hopeful that he will respond well with minimal side effects, as he did the first time.  Thursdays were chemo days during round 1, and it worked out that Thursdays are chemo days again.  He was at Tufts today starting round 2.  The nodes in his neck as well as behind his right knee are enlarged.  He will go back on Prednisone and have weekly appointments alternating between chemo and exams.  We are also changing his food.  He's just not ready and we feel that when he is, he will tell us - but we aren't there yet.  When he is ready we will do what we have to do for him, always with his best interest as the priority.  Yes, we are just postponing the inevitable but we know our dog and will do what we can for him until his time comes.  Not today my sweet Hurley boy, and not without a fight.  We won't give up...

                             When I look into your eyes

It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well, there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up, still looking up.

Well, I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

*Jason Mraz ~ I Won't Give Up*

Keep up the fight my sweet boy, and we will fight for you until you tell us it's your time...

“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened.” 
*Anatole France

~E

A Dog's Life

My friend shared this with me...
 

Why Dogs Don't Live As Long As People

 

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners; Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane were all very attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle. I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer.
 
I told the family there were no miracles left for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home. As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for the four-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt Shane could learn something from the experience. The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why." Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me - I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.  He said, "Everybody is born so that they can learn how to live a good life - like loving everybody and being nice, right?" The four-year-old continued, "Well, animals already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long." 
*Linda Bobo*
 
~E